St Albans Messenger, 30 April 2010
A recent paparazzi photo of Outlaw starting pitcher / hulking homerun hitting behemoth Tim Hudson (1.000 ba / 1.000 oba / 4.000 slg) has sparked rumors of a possible performance enhancing drug scandal.
A simpering left-handed PCM relief pitching informant (cough....danmeyers....cough) who wished to remain unnamed was quoted as saying, "C'mon man. Last year Tim Hudson could barely lift a bat. In fact he DIDN't lift a bat all year long. Or a weight for that matter. I'm telling you, 6 months ago Tim Hudson had smaller biceps than Kate Hudson. Then in the offseason he goes out and puts on what, like 140 pounds of muscle?!? Now he looks like Conan the (expletive deleted) Barbarian, and we're supposed to believe that he mail-ordered a BowFlex!? That Huddie and Mike Greenberg are all of sudden P90X workout buddies?!?"
"That's (excretary expletive deleted) man! P90X makes you the World's Strongest Man just about as much as Dos Equis makes me the World's Most Interesting Man," continued Meyers ....errrr... the chicken (excrement deleted) gopherball artist who gave up Tim Hudson's first career bomb but didn't want his name to get out into the press.
NASBL reporters attempting to reach Mr Hudson for comment were unable to penetrate the flash mob of chicks surrounding Huddie, all attempting to show him who digs the longball the most. They did, however, get some great cell-phone pics, and will soon be starting an NSFW pay website.
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