Beltran Only Tastes Great

Illinois Times -- Carlos Beltran has never been one to back down from a challenge. This season, thirsting elite competition, Carlos Beltran has declared himself "Exclusively a Tastes Great Player."

"Baseball is a progression. I started out years ago in Rookie Ball then progressed to A, AA, AAA and all the way to the NASBL. Each step along the way has allowed me to test my skills against an increased level of competition. I have passed all these tests. Just like it would be inappropriate for me to play against minor league competition, it is now inappropriate for me to play against the inferior Less Filling division of the NASBL. My skills belong with the big boys and with a couple of exceptions, the big boys play in the Tastes Great division. I am getting up there in years and cannot play 162 games anymore. Therefore I am deciding to forgo the Less Filling portion of the schedule this year and only play against those teams in the Tastes Great."

When pressed about his decision, Carlos said "Yeah I am a team guy, I could go out there and pinch hit now and then against an elite closer with the game on the line, or help out Nathan nail down a save by playing an inning or so in the outfield - but beyond that, I really don't see myself as a Less Filling kind of guy. Fukudome and Bourn can have an opportunity to build their confidence and improve to the point where they can handle the TG - I am giving them the at bats they need to do just that."

Due to Beltran's bazaar request, the Chows outfield shakes out as follows:

vs. R TG

Beltran RF

Bourn CF

Pagan LF

vs. R LF

Fukudome RF

Bourn CF

Pagan LF

vs. L TG

Raburn RF

Beltran CF

Willingham LF

vs. L LF

Raburn RF

Bourn CF

Willingham LF

When Morandini was asked about his star player's request he said "I am not happy having my hands tied like this, but at least he is going to play against our own division. Those are the most crucial games we have in a tight play-off race and having him out there in every single divisional game will help give us an edge. I just hope this doesn't anger the LF teams. They are all very talented clubs and we take them very seriously. Only one of our guys feels the way Carlos does, you don't see Hanley or Roy or any of out other starts saying anything remotely close to this."

Most Chows had no comment on the issue, but new Chow SP Carlos Zambrano was very vocal "Everyone thinks I am crazy - Crazy Carlos people call me behind my back. I think we know who the real Crazy Carlos is now - who has ever heard of exclusively a TG player. It makes no sense."