Sunday, October 5, 2008

Iron Pig Review

Now that the dust has settled on the innagural regular season of baseball in the Lehigh Valley, managment would like to take a moment to reflect upon the wonderful interview put together by Justin prior to the season. We are humbled by being so fortunate as to have made the postseason and will endeavor to do our best in the playoffs. Here are the questions and answers from the interview prior to the season. New comments will be printed in itallics.


Q: First, congrats on taking over a playoff team. Second, how can we get this team to .500?

A: Iron Pig management is pleased to take over a team steeped in playoff tradition. We are optimistic that this team can be even better than the powerhouse that won the South Division in 2007. Perhaps our goals are too lofty, but we believe that we can improve by at least 12 games this season. We believe that the path to success involves bribing umpires to make favorable calls to improve our staff era from 5.72 to a more respectable 4.00 range. Contractors have also been working diligently to remove seats and modify the outfield fence to aid our pitchers. Our path to success starts with pitching.

We were pleased to see that our strategy of paying off the umpires was effective. Our team ERA dropped to a respectable 3.82 and the wins total increased to 96. Moving the outfield fences into the old parking area helped this effort as well. 3.82 is a marked improvement from 5.72 and we are pleased to announce that our pitching coach N. Ryan will have his contract extended due to the excellent results that he has acheived.


Q: Presently LVI has no catchers under contract. That fact combined with staff ace Chris Young’s +9 hold rating, portends a field day for opposing base stealers. What the heck can the Pigs do (other than drafting Juan Pierre in the supp. draft; if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!) so as not to fall victim to the, well, Juan Pierres of the league?

A: While we agree that Chris Young does have difficulty in controlling the other team's running game, the rest of our staff is fairly skilled in this area. We are optimistic that the rest of the staff will be able to "help" him learn the importance of this simple facet of the game. As to the issue of needing a catcher, none of the available players stood out as being a viable long-term solution for this position. Management must address this concern in the draft. One benefit to adding Pierre and Crawford is that our pitching batteries will be able to practice against some of the best. This will either improve their skills to the point that they are serviceable, or it will demoralize them to the point of uselessness. Time will tell.

In season acquisition Russel Martin has added some much needed stability behind the plate. Despite trading much maligned Juan (I'm So Fast) Pierre, our squad led the league in stolen bases and our pitchers did a respectable job at controlling the opposing baserunners.


Q: The Iron Pigs have the #11 pick in the upcoming draft. Can you give us an insight into how you approach rookie drafts? Do you tend to draft the best player available, or will Lehigh Valley be filling a positional need with the pick?

A: This is a difficult question for Iron Pig management to answer without "tipping our hand" and giving out "classified secrets". It has been suggested that we will draft good behavior poster boy Delmon "the bat just slipped out of my hand" Young. We neither confirm, nor deny this allegation. Past experience tells that management drafts good cards sometimes and drafts future talent other times. It all depends on what is available at that point in the draft.

Our selection of Diasuke Matsuzaka appears to have been successful in the short term. He led the league in ERA at 2.60 and finished with 17 wins and 8 losses. We will see how he does moving forward. Delmon finished the season with a batting average of 0.267 and an OPS of 0.684. We were quite pleased with the development of several of our other draft choices. Carlos Quentin and Josh Hamilton have impressed our coaching staff with their improved play this season. Both players will be playing winter ball in Mexico. They are progressing nicely with their development and we expect big things from them next season.


Q: The NASBL relocated into a new market with your franchise. Are the locals excited to be part of the action, how are season ticket sales? A popular promotion at other NASBL parks is “Dunk the Drunk” – this is the one where league Commish Steve Beard sits in a dunk tank, chugs a case of Molson Export and hurls verbal insults at unsuspecting 12-year olds. Is this event “family friendly” enough for the Pig Pen, or will the Iron Pig Press’ editorial board take you to task for having Mr. Beard do his thing?

A: Ticket sales are hot and expectations are high for the new franchise. We plan to run a mostly PG-13 stadium. Since we are located near Philadelphia, we acknowledge that fans can sometimes be somewhat "colorful". Iron Pig management is pleased to announce several "theme promotions" that promise to be popular with the indigenous rowdy population. Examples of themes include: Topless Tuesdays (all topless fans are rewarded with one free beer), fireworks/pig roast night (worst performing Iron Pig player will be "roasted" by Lewis Black), youth beer night (beer is free for all fans under the age of 25), and Wet Tee Shirt Night (self explanatory). We have heard of the legendary drinking ability of Mr. Beard as passed down through the Penn State annals and relish the opportunity to experience his artistry first hand.

We are extremely pleased to report that our ticket sales for the past season exceeded our expectations. Mr Beard certainly lived up to his reputation and Lewis Black was his usual subdued self. The wet tee shirt competition ended in a tie. We were unable to choose between Jonah Hill and Megan Fox. Tough call. Please add your votes to the list of comments.


Q: When looking ahead five years, what player on your team gives you the most cause for optimism?

A: We are very excited about a couple of our homegrown AAA team (Philadelphia Phillies) talent. Howard and Utley promise to be pleasing fans for many years to come. We are considering hiring Ozzie "The Wizzard" Smith to work on defensive skills. If either or both of these players ever develop defensive skills to match their potent offensive skills, they will truly be a joy to watch. You know how the saying goes, "chicks dig the longball".

Unfortunately, Howard had a difficult time adapting to our "defense and small ball" approach to the game. He was traded mid season for catcher Russel Martin. We have changed our motto to "chicks dig slow and steady". It seems to fit our team better.


Q: What attracted you enjoy the most about NASBL as a new member?

A: The Iron Pig Press is excited about the opportunity to publish articles somewhere other than our refrigerator at the office. We are very interested in seeing how the dynamics of this league work (ie, large roster changeover and year to year swings). We are also interested in witnessing Commissioner Beard's legendary management skills. We can only hope to be a better team from the experience.

We have been very impressed with Commissioner Beard's ability to keep this group of teams running smoothly. We turned a profit this season, and expect great things moving ahead.

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