Thursday, May 8, 2008

Pigs Welcome New Hog

Lehigh Valley Iron Pig management is pleased to welcome new arrival Reggie Willits to the sty. Willits, 5'-11", 185#, and a switch hitting outfielder replaces historical first pick Juan Pierre, 5'-11", 180#, LH outfielder. Iron Pig management believes that the additional 5 pounds that Willits brings to the team will be instrumental in carrying the Pigs to at least a 0.500 record this season.

We believe that Willits will also provide slightly more discouragement to baserunning liberties than Pierre. It had been suggested (by our fan) that Pierre was so fast that he would be better off running the ball in rather than throwing it in. Lehigh Valley management, always ready to recieve input from our valued fan, tested this theory extensively and have decided conclusively that Pierre saves about 0.2 seconds by "throwing" it into the infielder. Gone are the days when the announcers would say, "there's a sharp single to right, Pierre has the ball, Bonds is limping round third.... he is being waved home.... it looks like there might be a play at the plate...... Bonds scores standing up!"

One additional value that Willits brings to our team is a discerning batting eye. Pierre had a very good batting eye, but chose never to use it. He rarely strikes out, but similarly, rarely walks. Willits on the other hand is a "dangerous intellectual" and realizes that he has no power and that a walk is as good as a single.

Players rumored to be on the Lehigh Valley trading block include: Derosa, Uggla, Quentin, Howard, Alou. Inquire within.

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